I'm surprised at how long I managed to avoid hopping on the bandwagon of indulging in one, or all, of the teen dramas that the CW mass produces. No Vampire Diaries for me, thank you very much (!!!!).
But to my dismay (and not to your surprise) I recently caved by starting and finishing all of Riverdale over the span of two days. The fact that those two days also happened to be Saturday and Sunday have left me feeling not so great about the trajectory of my goal to be more social but alas, we can't have it all.
I know for certain that my palette of TV shows is not Michelin star worthy; I can binge watch Baby Daddy like it's nobody's business. The more inconceivable the plot the better. There are certain shows, however, that take this to new heights and Riverdale is one of them. Take away all of the drama surrounding the show's main plot lines and you're looking at a bunch of meddling teenagers with too much time on their hands to do anything but the only thing they're actually responsible for: passing school.
As someone whose ratio of time spent staying in to do homework to actual time spent being productive was very skewed - and not in the good way - throughout almost all of my high school years, I realize that I'm still bitter about it. But for what reason? If there's something that I should know from my years of watching YA shows and reading YA novels it's that they usually don't do the best job of producing accurate portrayals of life as an American high school student. But that might be because life as an American high school student is generally very boring.
SO the following is a transcript of the pseudo live stream - otherwise just referred to as a tangent - going through my head while watching Riverdale (caps for stylistic effect):
WHY HASN'T ANYONE GOTTEN IN TROUBLE FOR LEAVING SCHOOL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY EVEN IF IT WAS TO SOLVE WHAT IS A VERY COMPELLING MURDER MYSTERY?
WHEN DOES BETTY HAVE THE TIME TO WRITE, FACT CHECK, AND PROOFREAD THESE LONG FORM EXPOSÉS FOR THE LOCAL PAPER?
HOW HAS NO ONE NOTICED THAT JUGHEAD WAS LIVING IN A DRIVE IN MOVIE THEATER AND THEN A JANITOR'S CLOSET?
CAN WE ALL, AS REAL PEOPLE, AGREE THAT WEARING SHOES WHILE SITTING IN YOUR BED IS GROSS?
*another deep breath*
ARE WE JUST SUPPOSED TO BRUSH OFF THE FACT THAT MOLLY RINGWALD IS ARCHIE'S MOM?
WHO HAS THE TIME TO EAT BREAKFAST WITH THEIR FRIENDS ON A SCHOOL DAY?
Netflix: Are you still watching?
The thing about Riverdale, though, is that it delivers. It unmasks the mystery of Jason Blossom's death at a good pace, enough to keep you interested and develop interesting subplots. There's an inherent agreement between the viewer and the show that if X is true, then there's no reason that Y can't be plausible.
So why stress the minute details when the Coopers are actually Blossoms, Archie's dad just got shot in Pop's, Clifford Blossom killed his own son, and there's a brewing class war about to erupt likely in congruence with Hiram Lodge's return to Riverdale? This is about to get m e s s y.